He: How to kill a mosquito?
She: I Don't know.
He: Arrree so simple re baba !!
Catch it alive. Tie its legs then make gudgudi in its stomach and when it laughts, Catch its mouth & pour a spoon of posion.....
Ho gaya na khallaaaassssssss!!!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
He: I'll climb the tallest mount, swim the deepest ocean, walk on hot coal barefoot,
just for you..!!
She: So sweet!! Can you come to meet me?
He: Not now, its raining.....
Salary & Wife...
Is this really what a wife does with her husband on salary day???
Where is the money ???
how me ur Pockets...
I’ll not give the money... She spends all of my salary...Boohoo!!!
Give me way... I am going for shopping...
Thanks for the Money Sweetheart...bye…
Where is the money ???
how me ur Pockets...
I’ll not give the money... She spends all of my salary...Boohoo!!!
Give me way... I am going for shopping...
Thanks for the Money Sweetheart...bye…
TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA
1) Qus. : What are you doing?
Ans.: Business.
Tax: PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans.: Selling the Goods.
Tax: PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.: From other State/Abroad
Tax: PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans.: Profit.
Tax: PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans.: Factory.
Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY!
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX!
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans.: Yes, for Salary.
Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans.: Hotel
Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans.: Gift on birthday.
Tax: PAY GIFT TAX!
14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX!
15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans.: Cinema or Resort.
Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
16) Qus. : Have you purchased House?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
17) Qus. : How you Travel?
Ans.: Bus
Tax: PAY SURCHARGE!
18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY INTEREST & PENALTY
Ans.: Business.
Tax: PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!
2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?
Ans.: Selling the Goods.
Tax: PAY SALES TAX!!
3) Qus. : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans.: From other State/Abroad
Tax: PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!
4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans.: Profit.
Tax: PAY INCOME TAX!
5) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans.: Factory.
Tax: PAY EXCISE DUTY!
6) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!
7) Qus. : Do you have Staff?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!
8) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY TURNOVER TAX!
9) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans.: Yes, for Salary.
Tax: PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!
10) Qus. : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans.: Hotel
Tax: PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
11) Qus. : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!
12) Qus. : Have you taken or given any Service/s?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!
13) Qus. : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans.: Gift on birthday.
Tax: PAY GIFT TAX!
14) Qus. : Do you have any Wealth?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY WEALTH TAX!
15) Qus. : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans.: Cinema or Resort.
Tax: PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!
16) Qus. : Have you purchased House?
Ans.: Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !
17) Qus. : How you Travel?
Ans.: Bus
Tax: PAY SURCHARGE!
18) Qus. : Any Additional Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!
19) Qus. : Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans.: Yes
Tax: PAY INTEREST & PENALTY
Law of .....
Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Life & Coffee
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers,got together to visit their old university lecturer.
Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups:porcelain, plastic, glass,some plain looking and some expensive and exquisite,telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said:” If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up,leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup,but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other`s cups."
"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn’t change."
"Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.
“So folks, don`t let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.
Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups:porcelain, plastic, glass,some plain looking and some expensive and exquisite,telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said:” If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up,leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup,but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other`s cups."
"Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn’t change."
"Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.
“So folks, don`t let the cups drive you... enjoy the coffee instead.
Superb Song
R. Narayana Murthy's song in next movie and its name is "Software Sinnodu".
which is about s/w and in that movie he will be playing IT professional and who will loose his job because of recession.
Emunnadakko ooo emunnadakkaaa…
Potta perigipoi..juttu ralipoi…vunna paruvu poi..
ee industry lo nakinka
emunnadi akko.. emunnadi akko emunnadi akka..
B.tech chesi naaka (saami)
Hyderabad cherukunnaa(saami)
Experience adugutunteeeee aa aaaa aaaav
Experience adugunte, enta kaavali ante anta petti, job kottina, join ayyina banchaaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Training lu ivvaka paye (saami)
Client interaction annadu (saami)
Communication baledu ante a aaa aaaa
Communication baledu ante, kumili kumili edichina, hindu paper veyinchinaa banchaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project ichundu vaadu(saami)
Payslip kuda vachindi(saami)
Payslip chupinchiiii. a a a a a a aaaaaaaaaaaa
Payslip chupinchina, credit card teesukunna, avasaram lenivi anni konna appula palu ainaaa banchhaann…
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project aipoindiii(saami)
Kottadi vastadi annadu (saami)
Bench lo pettindu aaaaa a aa aaaaaaa
Bench lo pettinaaka subject marichipoina, o roju na HR pilisindu poi kalisina banchaann….
(Emunnadi akko..)
Boom taggindi annadu (saami)
Cost cutting annadu (saami)..
Benchlo vunna ani cheppiii aaaaaa a a a a aaaaa
Bench lo vunna ani cheppi bayatiki tosindu kompa kulchindu banchaaannn…
(Emunnadi akko..)
By
R.NarayanaMurthy,
Dreaming to be Infy NarayanaMurthy
which is about s/w and in that movie he will be playing IT professional and who will loose his job because of recession.
Emunnadakko ooo emunnadakkaaa…
Potta perigipoi..juttu ralipoi…vunna paruvu poi..
ee industry lo nakinka
emunnadi akko.. emunnadi akko emunnadi akka..
B.tech chesi naaka (saami)
Hyderabad cherukunnaa(saami)
Experience adugutunteeeee aa aaaa aaaav
Experience adugunte, enta kaavali ante anta petti, job kottina, join ayyina banchaaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Training lu ivvaka paye (saami)
Client interaction annadu (saami)
Communication baledu ante a aaa aaaa
Communication baledu ante, kumili kumili edichina, hindu paper veyinchinaa banchaaaaaan
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project ichundu vaadu(saami)
Payslip kuda vachindi(saami)
Payslip chupinchiiii. a a a a a a aaaaaaaaaaaa
Payslip chupinchina, credit card teesukunna, avasaram lenivi anni konna appula palu ainaaa banchhaann…
(Emunnadi akko..)
Project aipoindiii(saami)
Kottadi vastadi annadu (saami)
Bench lo pettindu aaaaa a aa aaaaaaa
Bench lo pettinaaka subject marichipoina, o roju na HR pilisindu poi kalisina banchaann….
(Emunnadi akko..)
Boom taggindi annadu (saami)
Cost cutting annadu (saami)..
Benchlo vunna ani cheppiii aaaaaa a a a a aaaaa
Bench lo vunna ani cheppi bayatiki tosindu kompa kulchindu banchaaannn…
(Emunnadi akko..)
By
R.NarayanaMurthy,
Dreaming to be Infy NarayanaMurthy
Give 100 %
A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.
The girl kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the boy. The boy gave her all his sweets as he had promised.
That night, the boy slept peacefully. But the girl couldn't sleep as she kept ondering if the boy had hidden some sweets from her the way she had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.
This is applicable for any relationship like love, friendship, etc. Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.
The girl kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the boy. The boy gave her all his sweets as he had promised.
That night, the boy slept peacefully. But the girl couldn't sleep as she kept ondering if the boy had hidden some sweets from her the way she had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.
This is applicable for any relationship like love, friendship, etc. Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.
That's the Dead Lock
Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let's spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.
Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
HOW IS IT ????
This is called dead lock.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let's spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.
Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .
HOW IS IT ????
This is called dead lock.
One solution for every situation
Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them "Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstance, in every place and in every time. Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me. Tell me is there any mantra?"
All wise men got puzzled by King's question.
One answer for all questions? Something that works everywhere, in every situation, in every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory?
They thought and thought.
After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he'll have to see it.
The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.
After a few days, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. It was a collective surprise attack of the King's enemies.
King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. King had to fled on his horse. The enemies were following him.
His horse took him far away in the Jungle. He could hear many troops of horses following him and the noise was coming closer and closer.
Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road – that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished and he could not return because it was a small road.
The sound of enemy's horses was approaching fast. King became restless. There seemed to be no way.
Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring.
He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great.
The message was - "Even this shall pass away."
The King read it. Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes! It too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone.
I am here trying to escape from enemies.
However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. Calm come on his face. He kept standing there.
The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were not on that path.
The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his lost empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood.
Flowers were being thrown on the King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself," I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me".
With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him.
Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again:
"Even this shall pass away."
He became silent. His face went through a total change - from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness.
If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by we are witness of all this. We are the perceiver.
Life comes and goes.
Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.
Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away.
There were friends in the past. They have gone.
There are friends today. They too will go.
There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go.
There were enemies in the past. They have gone.
There may be enemies in the present. They too will go.
There will be new enemies tomorrow and they too will go.
There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows.
All have passed away. If there are problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever.
Who are you in reality? Know your real face. Your face is not your true face. It will change with the time. However, there is something in you, which will not change. It will remain unchanged. What is that unchangeable?
It is nothing but your true self. You are just a witness of change.
Experience it, understand it.
All wise men got puzzled by King's question.
One answer for all questions? Something that works everywhere, in every situation, in every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory?
They thought and thought.
After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he'll have to see it.
The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.
After a few days, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. It was a collective surprise attack of the King's enemies.
King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. King had to fled on his horse. The enemies were following him.
His horse took him far away in the Jungle. He could hear many troops of horses following him and the noise was coming closer and closer.
Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road – that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished and he could not return because it was a small road.
The sound of enemy's horses was approaching fast. King became restless. There seemed to be no way.
Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring.
He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great.
The message was - "Even this shall pass away."
The King read it. Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes! It too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone.
I am here trying to escape from enemies.
However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. Calm come on his face. He kept standing there.
The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him. After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were not on that path.
The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his lost empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood.
Flowers were being thrown on the King from every house, from every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself," I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy to defeat me".
With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him.
Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He open it and read it again:
"Even this shall pass away."
He became silent. His face went through a total change - from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness.
If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by we are witness of all this. We are the perceiver.
Life comes and goes.
Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.
Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life. Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away.
There were friends in the past. They have gone.
There are friends today. They too will go.
There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go.
There were enemies in the past. They have gone.
There may be enemies in the present. They too will go.
There will be new enemies tomorrow and they too will go.
There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows.
All have passed away. If there are problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever.
Who are you in reality? Know your real face. Your face is not your true face. It will change with the time. However, there is something in you, which will not change. It will remain unchanged. What is that unchangeable?
It is nothing but your true self. You are just a witness of change.
Experience it, understand it.
Sardar special
1- Sardar ji is buying a TV
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
2- Sardar Ji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardar ji and hangs up.
3- Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes
4- Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
5- Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."
6- What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
7- What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.
8- There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
9- Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
10- Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
11- How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
12- Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
13- What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
14- What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
15- How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
16- What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
17- Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
18- Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
19- How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
20- What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
2- Sardar Ji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardar ji and hangs up.
3- Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes
4- Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
5- Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."
6- What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
7- What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.
8- There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
9- Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
10- Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
11- How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
12- Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
13- What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
14- What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
15- How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
16- What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
17- Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
18- Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
19- How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
20- What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
My Strong Belief
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
Sardar
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
Sardar: Miss, did u call my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "
Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
Sardar: Miss, did u call my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".
Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "
Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:
"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:
"I Mr YOU" !!.
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
"బగ్గు"వద్గీత - బగ్గులు ఎందుకు వస్తాయంటే?
కలియుగాంతం ఆసన్నమయింది, బ్రహ్మ తర్వాత యుగానికి శ్రీకారం చుట్టడానికి ఈ సారి వెరైటీగా కంప్యూటర్ లో సృష్టి మొదలు పెడదాం అనుకున్నాడు.
అనుకున్నదే తడవుగా ప్రాక్టీస్ కోసం ఏదైనా సాప్ట్ వేర్ కంపనీ లో చేరదాం అని నిర్ణయించుకొన్నాడు. తనతో పాటు ఇంకొంత మంది దేవుళ్ళని కూడా ప్రాక్టీస్ కి అహ్వానించాడు.
బ్రహ్మ సాప్ట్ వేర్ డెవలపర్ గా జాయిన్ అయ్యాడు. సాప్ట్ వేర్ ని సృష్టించటం బ్రహ్మ పని. బ్రహ్మండంగా కోడింగ్ మొదలుపెట్టాడు. కాని అప్పుడప్పుడు అలవాటులో పొరపాటు గా బగ్గులు కూడా వచ్చేవి.
బ్రహ్మ సృష్టించిన బగ్గుల వల్ల ప్రాజెక్ట్ కేమి సమస్యలు రాకుండ కాపాడడం, స్థితి కారకుడైన విష్ణువు పని కాబట్టి విష్ణు మూర్తి బ్రహ్మ కి టీం లీడర్ గా జాయిన్ అయిపోయాడు.
లయ కారకుడైన మహేశ్వరుడు కూడా టెక్నికల్ డైరెక్టర్ లాగా జాయిన్ అయ్యి బ్రహ్మ, విష్ణువులు సృష్టించి, కాపాడుతూన్న (మెయింటైన్ చేస్తున్న ) ప్రాజెక్ట్ లన్ని లయం(స్క్రాప్) చేస్తూ ఉండెవాడు. పొద్దున్న "C" లో చేసిన ప్రాజెక్ట్ ని స్క్రాప్ చేసి సాయంత్రం "C++" లో చేయమనే వాడు. తర్వాత రోజు దానిని స్క్రాప్ చేసి "java" లో చేయమంటూ తన ధర్మాన్ని నిర్వర్తించేవాడు.
ఈ రకం గా ప్రాజెక్ట్ లన్నీ స్క్రాప్ అవడం తో విసుగు చెందిన విష్ణు మూర్తి, బాగా ఆలోచించి ఇంకా కొంతమందిని టీం లో పెట్టుకుని ఒక్కక్కరి చేత ఒక్కో టెక్నాలజీ లో ప్రాజెక్ట్ డెవలప్ చేయించి ఈ సారి అయినా ప్రాజెక్ట్ "OK" చేయించుకోవలని అనుకున్నాడు. వెంటనే కృష్ణావతారం లో తన అనుంగు మితృడైన అర్జునుడిని, అర్జునుడి కన్నా ప్రతిభా పాటవాలు కల ఏకలవ్యుడిని టీం లో జాయిన్ చేసుకున్నాడు.
ఏకలవ్యుడు ఏ పని ఇచ్చినా తన శక్తి సామర్ధ్యాలతో వెంటనే పూర్తి చేసేసేవాడు. ఒక వేళ తనకి ఆ టెక్నాలజీ రాకున్నా, ఆ టెక్నాలజీని గురు ముఖంగా నేర్చుకోకపొయినా మనసులో గురువు గారిని ధ్యానించుకొని, గూగుల్ లో సెర్చ్ కొట్టి ప్రాక్టీస్ చేసి నేర్చేసుకొనేవాడు(కాపీ పేస్ట్ చేసేవాడు). కాని పాపం అర్జునుడు అలా కాదు. గురు ముఖంగా విననిదే ఏ టెక్నాలజీ నేర్చుకొలేకపోయెవాడు.
ఒక సారి అర్జునుడు చేసిన కోడ్ లో కుప్పలు తెప్పలు గా బగ్గులు వచ్చాయి. సాయంత్రానికి అన్ని బగ్గులు ఫిక్స్ చేయాలని విష్ణు మూర్తి డెడ్ లైన్ ఇచ్చి వెళ్ళాడు. అర్జునుడు మహా భారత యుధ్ధం లో కౌరవ సేన లా ఉన్న బగ్గులని చూసాడు. భయపడ్డాడు, విలపించాడు. అస్త్ర సన్యాసం (రాజీనామా) చేస్తున్నాని ప్రకటించాడు.
అర్జునుడి మాటలు విన్న విష్ణు మూర్తి వెంటనే కృష్ణావతారం లోకి మారిపోయి
"అర్జునా !
బగ్గు సృష్టించేది ఎవరు, ఫిక్స్ చేసేది ఎవరు, ఇదంతా మిధ్య నాయనా!
బగ్గు ఒక్కటె శాశ్వతము, నిత్యము, సత్యము. అది అగ్నిచే కాల్చబడదు. నీటిచే తడుపడదు. కోడు చే ఫిక్స్ చేయబడదు.!
మానవుడు ఒక వస్త్రాన్ని వదలి వేరొక వస్త్రాన్ని ధరించినట్టు బగ్గు ఒక రూపాన్ని వదలి వేరొక రూపాన్ని ధరిస్తుంది.
నువ్వు ఏం బగ్గు సృష్టించావని నీవు బాధ పడుతున్నావు. ఈ రోజు నీకు అసైన్ చేసిన బగ్గు నిన్న వేరొకరికి అసైన్ కాలేదా, రేపు వేరొకరికి అసైన్ కాదా?" అని సాప్ట్ వేర్ జీవిత (లైఫ్ సైకిల్) పరమార్ధాన్ని వివరించ గానే దుఃఖాన్ని విడచి కార్యొన్ముఖుడై బగ్గులన్ని ఫిక్స్ చేసాడు.
అప్పటి నుంచి సాప్ట్ వేర్ ఉద్యోగులందరు తమ తమ స్థానాలలో త్రిమూర్తులు, అర్జునుడు, ఏకలవ్యుడు ఏర్పరిచిన సాంప్రదాయాలని పాటిస్తూ బగ్గులని ఒక రూపం నుంచి మరొక రూపానికి మారుస్తునే ఉన్నారు.
గమనిక : ఈ కథ పది సార్లు పారాయణ చేసిన వారికి పది బగ్గులు తక్కువ వస్తాయి !!!
అనుకున్నదే తడవుగా ప్రాక్టీస్ కోసం ఏదైనా సాప్ట్ వేర్ కంపనీ లో చేరదాం అని నిర్ణయించుకొన్నాడు. తనతో పాటు ఇంకొంత మంది దేవుళ్ళని కూడా ప్రాక్టీస్ కి అహ్వానించాడు.
బ్రహ్మ సాప్ట్ వేర్ డెవలపర్ గా జాయిన్ అయ్యాడు. సాప్ట్ వేర్ ని సృష్టించటం బ్రహ్మ పని. బ్రహ్మండంగా కోడింగ్ మొదలుపెట్టాడు. కాని అప్పుడప్పుడు అలవాటులో పొరపాటు గా బగ్గులు కూడా వచ్చేవి.
బ్రహ్మ సృష్టించిన బగ్గుల వల్ల ప్రాజెక్ట్ కేమి సమస్యలు రాకుండ కాపాడడం, స్థితి కారకుడైన విష్ణువు పని కాబట్టి విష్ణు మూర్తి బ్రహ్మ కి టీం లీడర్ గా జాయిన్ అయిపోయాడు.
లయ కారకుడైన మహేశ్వరుడు కూడా టెక్నికల్ డైరెక్టర్ లాగా జాయిన్ అయ్యి బ్రహ్మ, విష్ణువులు సృష్టించి, కాపాడుతూన్న (మెయింటైన్ చేస్తున్న ) ప్రాజెక్ట్ లన్ని లయం(స్క్రాప్) చేస్తూ ఉండెవాడు. పొద్దున్న "C" లో చేసిన ప్రాజెక్ట్ ని స్క్రాప్ చేసి సాయంత్రం "C++" లో చేయమనే వాడు. తర్వాత రోజు దానిని స్క్రాప్ చేసి "java" లో చేయమంటూ తన ధర్మాన్ని నిర్వర్తించేవాడు.
ఈ రకం గా ప్రాజెక్ట్ లన్నీ స్క్రాప్ అవడం తో విసుగు చెందిన విష్ణు మూర్తి, బాగా ఆలోచించి ఇంకా కొంతమందిని టీం లో పెట్టుకుని ఒక్కక్కరి చేత ఒక్కో టెక్నాలజీ లో ప్రాజెక్ట్ డెవలప్ చేయించి ఈ సారి అయినా ప్రాజెక్ట్ "OK" చేయించుకోవలని అనుకున్నాడు. వెంటనే కృష్ణావతారం లో తన అనుంగు మితృడైన అర్జునుడిని, అర్జునుడి కన్నా ప్రతిభా పాటవాలు కల ఏకలవ్యుడిని టీం లో జాయిన్ చేసుకున్నాడు.
ఏకలవ్యుడు ఏ పని ఇచ్చినా తన శక్తి సామర్ధ్యాలతో వెంటనే పూర్తి చేసేసేవాడు. ఒక వేళ తనకి ఆ టెక్నాలజీ రాకున్నా, ఆ టెక్నాలజీని గురు ముఖంగా నేర్చుకోకపొయినా మనసులో గురువు గారిని ధ్యానించుకొని, గూగుల్ లో సెర్చ్ కొట్టి ప్రాక్టీస్ చేసి నేర్చేసుకొనేవాడు(కాపీ పేస్ట్ చేసేవాడు). కాని పాపం అర్జునుడు అలా కాదు. గురు ముఖంగా విననిదే ఏ టెక్నాలజీ నేర్చుకొలేకపోయెవాడు.
ఒక సారి అర్జునుడు చేసిన కోడ్ లో కుప్పలు తెప్పలు గా బగ్గులు వచ్చాయి. సాయంత్రానికి అన్ని బగ్గులు ఫిక్స్ చేయాలని విష్ణు మూర్తి డెడ్ లైన్ ఇచ్చి వెళ్ళాడు. అర్జునుడు మహా భారత యుధ్ధం లో కౌరవ సేన లా ఉన్న బగ్గులని చూసాడు. భయపడ్డాడు, విలపించాడు. అస్త్ర సన్యాసం (రాజీనామా) చేస్తున్నాని ప్రకటించాడు.
అర్జునుడి మాటలు విన్న విష్ణు మూర్తి వెంటనే కృష్ణావతారం లోకి మారిపోయి
"అర్జునా !
బగ్గు సృష్టించేది ఎవరు, ఫిక్స్ చేసేది ఎవరు, ఇదంతా మిధ్య నాయనా!
బగ్గు ఒక్కటె శాశ్వతము, నిత్యము, సత్యము. అది అగ్నిచే కాల్చబడదు. నీటిచే తడుపడదు. కోడు చే ఫిక్స్ చేయబడదు.!
మానవుడు ఒక వస్త్రాన్ని వదలి వేరొక వస్త్రాన్ని ధరించినట్టు బగ్గు ఒక రూపాన్ని వదలి వేరొక రూపాన్ని ధరిస్తుంది.
నువ్వు ఏం బగ్గు సృష్టించావని నీవు బాధ పడుతున్నావు. ఈ రోజు నీకు అసైన్ చేసిన బగ్గు నిన్న వేరొకరికి అసైన్ కాలేదా, రేపు వేరొకరికి అసైన్ కాదా?" అని సాప్ట్ వేర్ జీవిత (లైఫ్ సైకిల్) పరమార్ధాన్ని వివరించ గానే దుఃఖాన్ని విడచి కార్యొన్ముఖుడై బగ్గులన్ని ఫిక్స్ చేసాడు.
అప్పటి నుంచి సాప్ట్ వేర్ ఉద్యోగులందరు తమ తమ స్థానాలలో త్రిమూర్తులు, అర్జునుడు, ఏకలవ్యుడు ఏర్పరిచిన సాంప్రదాయాలని పాటిస్తూ బగ్గులని ఒక రూపం నుంచి మరొక రూపానికి మారుస్తునే ఉన్నారు.
గమనిక : ఈ కథ పది సార్లు పారాయణ చేసిన వారికి పది బగ్గులు తక్కువ వస్తాయి !!!
Bill Gates organized
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Vella Reddy an Indian (Telugu) guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
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Calmly, Reddy turns to the other candidate and says 'ee vooru meedhi'
The other candidate answers 'Nellore…..,meedi ee vooru'
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
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Calmly, Reddy turns to the other candidate and says 'ee vooru meedhi'
The other candidate answers 'Nellore…..,meedi ee vooru'
DROP THE GLASS!!!
Study this small story, Hope that makes a BIG change!!!
Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"
'50gms!' ..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
'Nothing' ..the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
.. ventured another student & all the students laughed
"Very good.
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.
'No'. Was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students
"Exactly!" said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this...
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able
to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep..
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong &can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So, when you leave office today,
Remember to
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN !'
Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"
'50gms!' ..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
'Nothing' ..the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
.. ventured another student & all the students laughed
"Very good.
But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.
'No'. Was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students
"Exactly!" said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this...
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able
to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep..
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong &can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So, when you leave office today,
Remember to
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN !'
Love & Marriage
A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....maybe there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... But maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person...."
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....maybe there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... But maybe there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... You keep looking for a better one, but when later you realise, you have already miss the person...."
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... You look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... This is marriage.
Know UR Value!!!
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a Rupee 500 note.
In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?"
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the note up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless... But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
You are special. Don't ever forget it!!! Never let yesterday's is appointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams!!!
" VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF ITS VALUE IS VALUED "
In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this Rupee 500 note?"
Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this note to one of you but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the note up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth Rupee 500/-.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless... But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
You are special. Don't ever forget it!!! Never let yesterday's is appointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams!!!
" VALUE HAS A VALUE ONLY IF ITS VALUE IS VALUED "
A young and pretty lady's comments on "What should I do to marry a rich guy?"
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but
they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but
they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
ONE BEDROOM FLAT... AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER'S LIFE...
As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineer and joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true.
Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India
My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.
I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.
Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.
In-laws told me,to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA
My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.
Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.
After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA
My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.
Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.
Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.
Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.
I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM .
Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me.
Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'
I am still searching for an answer...... ......... .!!!!
By an Indian SE who was in US.
Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India
My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.
I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.
Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.
In-laws told me,to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA
My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.
Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.
After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA
My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.
Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.
Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.
Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.
I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM .
Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me.
Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'
I am still searching for an answer...... ......... .!!!!
By an Indian SE who was in US.
Pumpers Love
Monica married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party,
Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your married life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first deposit for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Monica shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it
was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
...... and so on...
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Monica talked to her Mother:
'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone through all the good years in their life.
"When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where you slipped.
Life is about correcting mistakes."
Start Saving today.
Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook with Rs.1000 deposit amount.
Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your married life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first deposit for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'
Monica shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it
was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made.
This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
...... and so on...
However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?
One day Monica talked to her Mother:
'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account.
While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.
When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.
The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.
Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone through all the good years in their life.
"When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where you slipped.
Life is about correcting mistakes."
Start Saving today.
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